Category Archives: Music

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Tidbits

Our life has settled into some semblance of normal, as much as you can establish “normal” with quickly growing and changing kids!  Perhaps that is why parents of young children constantly feel unstable and awash with chaos… things actually are changing all the time!

Nathaniel is developing in every area at once!

  • Social:  he is a smiling fool with a breathy giggle and lots of eye contact.  He coos at us and is likely to start taking conversational turns any day now!
  • Sleep:  he keeps lengthening his longest night sleep and is now rather easy to put down for a nap.  Maybe I just read his cues better, but he goes down awake and is happy to just conk out with his pacie for comfort (and my return 1-3 times to give it back to him if he drops it before he falls asleep).
  • Motor:  he squirms and squirms in a similar fashion to the jaunty little jig that Rissa was famous for.  He also has discovered his thumb and happily sucks away at it!  At 9 weeks old!  I think that’s pretty awesome.

Zach and Rissa are developing too, though thankfully not at the breakneck speed of an infant!  Their growth has been in their understanding of cause and effect and in interpersonal relationships.  Rissa will now announce to me, “I need to obey puh-cuz if I don’t, it will be a time out.  I don’t like a time out.”  Zach has been doing an amazing job at using his words to describe why he is mad at his sister and what happened instead of just screaming in a tantrum and taking vengeance on her himself.  “No, Wissa!  That’s MY ____.  I want it back!” is SOOOO much better than hitting or biting or any other non-word option.  They adore their little brother while simultaneously ignoring him for the most part.  Our bedtime routine has become very special… we kiss them and tuck them in (then chase them down and retuck them in, sometimes several times) and then they always have the same “kess-tin” (question) for us.  And we always give the same answer:  “You are safe.  We love you!”  And then they both yell, “I love you, Mommy and Daddy!”

Matt and I are trying to hold down some segments of our sanity, and to be honest, it is very difficult.  We spend so much time parenting that we hardly see each other (we mostly do zone defense so both of us are separately occupied with 1-2 children each), and that is really hard.  It’s easy to waste the few moments we do have together on fighting since we are exhausted and drained and will be for many more months to come.  My hormones are still settling back in after the pregnancy and I am depressed.  That’s hard too.  It’s a built-in mood swing rollercoaster to be pregnant, then give birth, then be a parent of young children because there are such extreme joys and extreme frustrations that you can barely keep track of what you are feeling at any given moment!  And it’s all likely to change in an instant.  Being 2 years old also entails a mood swing lifestyle, so 3 of us are moody these days.  Matt desperately tries to hold it all together and Nathaniel actually does maintain his sweet disposition and is blissfully unaware of the craziness.  And this is all normal!  I often think, “My gosh, we’re all insane.”  But actually, each of us is exactly where someone in our circumstances is supposed to be.  I’m not sure if that’s comforting or disturbing. 🙂

I have some cute pictures to share, so let’s get to those!

Nathaniel was immediately overwhelmed by his butterfly playmat just a few weeks ago, but now he loves it! He squirms in there and does his best to whack at the hanging toys. "Awww, look at Baby Zach and Baby Rissa playing on their butterfly playmat!" These kids crack me up! It wasn't so long ago that they both fit under one of these and were busy stealing PW from one another!

Reading Eric Carle's the Mixed-Up Chameleon with all my kids. We wait for Daddy on our porch swing every sunny afternoon! At 5:20ishpm, we all squeal, "Daddy!!!!" I suspect I squeal the loudest and what I'm thinking is, "Oh thank God, I'm not on my own again until tomorrow morning! Here, take these cuties, I need a BREAK!"

Cuteness doesn’t cancel out chaos, but it helps!  We can’t help but smile at our kids are how hilarious each of them can be.

Somebody has big smiles on their 2 month old birthday! Nathaniel is SO delicious. Rissa shows off her pretty new shirt and her movie star smile that lights up my heart! Zach's shirt says, "Someone who loves me very much went to Belize and got me this tshirt." I was pregnant with the twins during our 2007 trip to Belize, and we didn't even know it was twins yet so we only bought one shirt! They take turns wearing it. I love Zach's proud expression!

Little man trying on Daddy's sandals. Little lady trying on Mommy's sparkle heels. Somebody already wears size 3-6 months at 2 months of age! And he's also a bit tipsy when he sits on the couch.

Nathaniel had his 2 month appointment and shots and did an amazing job!  He is already 11.5  pounds and we’re so proud of his good growing work!

Mommy and Nathaniel at the pediatrician's office (picture taken with a mirror). I like to hum a catchy little phrase about my littlest cutie that goes something like this: "Pudgy little naked boy, pudgy little naked boy..." I have a similar picture of Z and R after their 2 month shots... this is the "Mommy comforted me and snuggled me and got my clothes back on, and now I'm snuggling my soft blankie and my pacie and we are getting OUT of this place!" picture.

We’ve been hanging out!  And not just with each other… with other people too!  But also with each other.

Being able to make my baby smile is one of my most marketable qualities. These moments make me feel like a successful mommy! This is equivlent to when Zach and Rissa come over, climb into my lap, and ask me to read to them. It's good to be wanted. Vernita dangles an upside down Rissa! Andrew tosses a daredevil Zach!

Bill Mallonee came to town again! Kyle scheduled a concert for him at Hessel Park Church and we got to go because Vernita was willing to forego the concert to babysit the twins! It was a great experience. Here we are at the concert! Nathaniel slept through the whole thing and was a snuggly bundle of warmth in my lap.

Our family. We're normal - broken, trying and sometimes failing, but always loved.

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Beautiful Girl

In the center of the universe,
Is a star-sucking hole
And the lives of every planet,
Are in danger as it grows

But it’s not the thing that gets me down
No, it’s not the thing that brings me down

In the center of the earth,
Where the heat can melt your brain
And all the molten lava,
Comes pouring out like rain

But it’s not the thing that gets me down
No, it’s not the thing that brings me down

In the center of my heart,
Is a beautiful girl
And one tear from her face,
Could destroy the world

It’s the only thing that gets me down

– Center of the Universe, Viva Voce

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Down to the Letter

Yesterday was one of the coolest concert experiences I have had (Kyle’s birthday concert at Andrew’s apartment last May with Bill Mallonee notwithstanding).  For my birthday back in August, Matt gave me Live from Nowhere, Vol. 3 by Over the Rhine, one of my very favoritest bands.  It came with an enclosed ticket to a concert in Cincinnati for yesterday afternoon and I was so sad… how will we drive 4.5 hours to Cincinnati?  We have young kids and no time.  Just over a week ago, my mom called and said that she and dad would be driving in on Friday night to Illinois.  I immediately said, “You will??????  Hey, so there is this concert on Sunday but we’d be gone all day… do you guys want to spend a whole day babysitting the babies?”  I didn’t give details of how CRAZY and exhausting that prospect might be because I didn’t want to scare her off.  “We’d LOVE to!” she practically shouted.  “Excellent!” I practically shouted.  And plan-making began!

We got in touch with a couple friends who wanted to go to the concert and needed rides and we planned our all-day extravaganza.  It was a vacation day for Jaime!  I wasn’t Mommy for most of the day on Sunday; instead, I was music-loving, friend-enjoying, drive 4.5 hours one way and 4.5 hours back all in the same day crazy Jaime again, and it was awesome.

For those who already know and love Over the Rhine, you know that there is a mysterious component to their music that cannot be experienced unless you are at the live concert.  They are just amazing… Karin’s voice is the most beautiful instrument I have ever heard and Linford has a way with words and pianos… they peg a place in my heart that would otherwise sit empty and they create a bohemian, warm and snuggly, I-bet-I’d-see-Jesus-here-if-I-hold-still-and-pay-attention, “I would so hang out here all the time if I was cool enough” booth that I joyfully climb into and don’t want to ever crawl out of.

I remember the early days of being a mommy… I was having crazy, sleep-deprived dreams about “tiny baby” being in our bed and being afraid that I would crush him/her, so I’d carry a small handful of air back to the crib and get confused when there were already 2 babies in there in the middle of the night.  I also had a dream that Karin and Linford owned a fair trade coffee shop with a performance stage and we were hanging out there and I went to the bathroom and ran into Karin and told her that I was so excited about the show later on.  I emailed them (still sleep-deprived and crazy sounding, I’m sure!) that I’d dreamt of them and that I sang their songs to my preemie twins in the NICU who had become OtR fans in the womb because I always played it for them during my pregnancy, and they wrote back and were incredibly gracious and kind.

When we arrived in Cincinnati at the venue, a crumbling, grand, incredibly old cathedral, I gaped at my surroundings and was reminded of the ancient Orthodox churches I had marveled at during our honeymoon in Greece.  Except that here, there was a Belgian guy serving amazing waffles, a coffee shop serving lattes and cappuccinos, and a veggie/cheese/crackers/wine table for guests amidst the gorgeous stained glass windows, crumbling plaster detailing and exposed brick, and red paper lanterns dotting the cathedral ceiling like jewels.  I only personally knew the 3 people I came with, but I felt an instant connection with the hundreds and hundreds of folks who crammed with me into the chairs and aisles and choir loft and wrapped around the stage… these people love the band I love and came to celebrate 20 years of amazing music.  I bet we’d be friends if we knew each other.  There was another couple with twins there… 10 month olds… and I was jealous that my kids didn’t get to experience the event.  But then I was grateful that I didn’t get to experience 9 hours in the van with my kids and felt much better after that.

They sang my very favorite song and I cried.  They told stories like they always do and I was reminded of my first taste of their music, a concert at the University of Illinois during my first month of grad school.  Matt was there too and we both came away thinking that we had experienced something amazing.  I loved that we were both there at the same time, even though we had no idea that we’d fall in love and build life a together someday.  I also love that Matt bought 3 of their cds on the spot because he was instantly hooked.

Kathy called the concert a “warm glass of milk” to fall asleep dreaming about and reliving.  As the music soared around that grand ballroom of a church with a stained glass dome in the ceiling so that God could peek in and be with us, I closed my eyes and listened.  Nobody listens anymore, you know?  There is so much noise and chaos and busyness and stuff that chokes the life out of us and you have to strip away all the junk to get to anything worthwhile, or so it would seem.  So I did that.  I sat in that church and felt very small and stripped away my junk and just listened.  I think we all need to do that more often.

I thought about the vulnerability of being a musician or any kind of artist.  I thought about my tiny corner of creativity as a blogger, sharing my heart and my honesty and who I really am and wondering, “does anyone care?  do I connect?  does it matter?”  And then I thought about what it would be like to be a gifted lyricist and musician like Karin and Linford are, sharing their lives and their souls with millions of people and probably wondering where to place boundaries so that they can withdraw back into themselves somehow when they need to.  Do they worry whether anyone cares or if they connect or if they matter too?  I care so much and they connect with me each time I listen and they matter to so many!  Do they know that?

I love when they sing, “I want to do better, I want to try harder, I want to believe down to the letter.”  I feel vulnerable and incapable too and I want more from myself and I want more for myself.  Love and relationship and significance and peace and grace… the things that matter.  I want to believe in those things.

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Linford says it best…

I harvested some more tomatoes from my garden today.  Perfect, beautiful, red tomatoes that grew without my help and that taste so delicious that I can barely handle it when they squish apart between my teeth.  Linford Detweiler has a masterful way with words, and he hits this one right on the head in his September, 2008 letter to fans and friends:

“We’re still picking plenty of late-coming ripe tomatoes out of the garden, both yellow and red. (I’m still convinced that cupping a hand beneath a plump, vine-ripened tomato in summer is a particular pleasure that the church must have forgotten to forbid.)”

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Documenting Existence

Last night’s concert was a delicious swirling circle of art, community, and learning.  It was such an intimate setting… there were about 15 friends sitting in our friend’s duplex living room, and no one wanted to get up and get a beverage or another snack or even pee because the 3.5 hours of music was so engaging.  Matt played a Bill Mallonee and the Vigilantes of Love cd for me last week so I would get a sense for his sound before we came to the concert.  Coming to an artist’s concert with nearly no expectations because I only had a taste of familiarity was SO cool.  Instead of knowing the songs ahead of time and piecing together the stories he told to fit my preconceptions of what he meant, I was able to experience it all in person first, and now I can go back, listen to our cds, and mull over my thoughts.

I came away with so many thoughts… I started writing this blog post in my head during one of the songs because it was so beautiful and poignant.  Bill’s wife and the other half of his band, Muriah Rose, was singing about the fine line between the sacred and the profane and I was overcome by the profundity of her words and the Christian humanity of who she must be to be able to write about her experience in such a tangible way.  I don’t know them personally, but after last night, I might almost say I do.  And I certainly would like to!  They were so honest and approachable WHILE they were performing and the fact that they would come and do a concert for a fan’s birthday party demonstrates just what amazing people they are.  I wanted to be friends with them and live closer than we do so we could hang out (they are from Georgia).  Matt and I were both impressed with their marriage too… they shared the stage as band members but more so, as life partners.  They enjoyed each other’s performances and constantly glanced at one another to stay as one in the music, and in life.  There was a connection between them that would make anyone else say, “I want a marriage like that.”  It was beautiful.

Damon set up the concert and Matt and I have attended plenty of concerts with him in the past.  Kyle was at most of those as well.  When we aren’t losing miserably at spades while skipping rained out camping trips with these guys, Matt and I are enjoying music as it was meant to be enjoyed… live in concert, with friends, as a community.  I realized that the link between these bands that all 4 of us drive all over to see (Viva Voce, Over the Rhine, Bill Mallonee…) is their artistry.  They perform because they have to… not to make a living but rather as if this music and poetry inside of them will burst them open if they don’t get it down on paper and share it with as many people as possible.  Matt said this morning that Bill Mallonee has the mind of an intellectual, the heart of an artist, and the spirit of Christ.  When you have that to offer and you create shareable art, you offer a very rare gift.  A gift I received last night, even as a new fan.

Bill was so well-read and a deep thinker… to hear the thoughts that inspired his music was amazing.  A story he used to read to his kids, a friend he knew, a favorite author… there was a thread of stories of broken humanity trying to reach God and know Him, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing but always trying, that was indicative of every human’s experience.  Like I said, approachable.  He mentioned that some critic had described the band as “scrappy, literate, folky music” and they were so proud of that.  That’s exactly how it was… personalized folk.  And really, folk means people, so people music.  Shareable and experienced by all.

I experienced this creation sensation last night, and I’ve experienced it before.  You see someone else create something beautiful and it is so inspiring that you want to go create just from the experience of seeing theirs.  I went home and wrote a poem about my mom after my first Over the Rhine concert because I was so touched by Karin’s stories.  It is still my best poetry work to date and I cranked it out around 1am because I couldn’t put my pen down after experiencing the music that Linford and Karin create.  Last night, I felt the same way.  I wanted to write or make or create something to continue on the beauty I had experienced.  I went to bed instead and hoped I could blog in the morning to pass something of my experience on to you.  This all stems from God’s nature… our Creator made us in His image and we see all He does and it inspires us to go do as well!

I often say that I keep this blog to document that I exist right now.  So I write here… I talk about the babies and our family and myself so that I show up as a complete person during this time of sacrifice to primarily be with my children.  I realized during the concert that we ALL do this.  We document that we exist.  Bill and Muriah have the unique gift of being excellent musicians and songwriters, so their existence reaches far and wide.  Mine is contained to people who like me well enough to read my blog.  Yours might be another venue.  But we are all just placing our stamp wherever someone might see it.  You see this everywhere… people define themselves by what they own or don’t own, what they agree with or don’t, what they invest their time in and what they choose as hobbies, who they invest time into knowing well, the art they make.  What we destroy is just as telling as what we create… many stamps are left by the love/people/community/relationships that are destroyed too.

I realized that we must be intentional about our stamp… the legacy we leave.  Because we are leaving one.  If my offering of myself could be contained in what I owned or how I kept up with the Joneses or that I slaved at a job I loved or hated just to make money, I wasted my life.  I’d rather know people who create and who inspire me to create and who help me invest in relationship and my walk with God as they walk with Him along with me.  That’s a life stamp too.  It isn’t as flashy because no one else can compare it… it isn’t an expensive, luxury car versus a cheap, crappy car.  It’s quality of life.  Bill and Muriah may not be in everyone’s cd collection, but the art that they offer could be.  It’s that good because they pour who they are into it and the value of life is priceless.

Muriah Rose and Bill     Damon, Bill, Birthday Boy Kyle, Muriah

a shared experience