I remember reading a novel about a newspaper columnist.  He had a filing cabinet full of folders labeled Half Ideas… things that might make an interesting column someday if he ever got desperate for ideas.  I find that blogging sometimes works that way for me.  Sometimes I write a blog post in my head throughout my day and then jot it down on my computer, format it, and “ship” it out to you.  The thinking work is done, I just had to write it up.  But sometimes I swirl thoughts around, my half ideas, and need to sit down and stare at my keyboard to download them from my brain to my computer.  And when I do that, sometimes my download is successful, but other times, I have a jumbled pile of words and I can’t make sense of it so I doubt anyone else will.  And sometimes I still post it!  But mostly I don’t.  I save it off in my version of a Half Ideas folder in my brain and hope that I’ll find some sense to insert so that it can be readable and postable someday.  And then I usually leave it alone, though I don’t forget about it.

I never really intended to be such an avid writer but somehow, I have taken to this blogging thing like it is the last breath of fresh air in my oxygen tank and if I don’t do it, I won’t survive.  It makes me feel like I have an outlet and I really need to feel like I have Jaime time and Jaime thoughts and Jaime’s friends rather than rotate my entire being around my Mommy role.  I often joke to myself that I’d still blog even without any readers, but that downplays the intense value I place on the friends who care enough to check in with our little family here.  I GREATLY appreciate the fact that you care and that you read and that you might find just drivel here, but you read it just because I wrote it and you can overlook the drivel and still see me.  So thanks for that!  I am only willing to put myself out there when I am sure that it is okay to be honest and I will still be loved regardless and you make that possible.

So my most recent half idea has been rotating around spiritual replacement.  Matt’s mom (I don’t really like the in-law terminology because I really love my in-laws very much and calling them in-laws makes it sound like they are a formal attachment of my family but not by choice.  I love them by choice!) said something to me the last time they visited and I’ve been chewing on it for awhile.  We were talking about small families and large families and the meaning people attach to how many children they have.  I should disclaimer that this is not Lynette’s view and in no way represents her or her associates; rather, she mentioned it as a mindset she had heard before.

The idea floating around when she was a young mom was that the earth’s resources were going to be used up so it was important to just replace yourself and not contribute to overpopulation.  That idea did not have any bearing on the number of children in Matt’s family at all, but it was a popular idea in the 70’s.  And she said that some people revolted against that idea, many of them Christians who thought it was important to fill the world with more Christians so they had very large families with many children so they could do more than replace themselves.  I’ve been thinking about these two ideas alot (again, neither of them represent Matt’s mom, but I heard them through her).

My immediate gut response was to be offended, and I said as much to Lynette.  Replace yourself?  Replace???  I feel strongly that there isn’t anyone else who has what I have to offer… I’m the only Jaime like me and my children should never carry the burden of trying to be my miniatures just to fill in my “spot” in the world — only I can do that!  And that’s a crappy expectation for them too because it would be far beneath them to just try to be me… they have so much more to offer as the individuals God has made them to be!  I got beyond that first reaction and thought some more.  There IS a serious importance to considering resources; consuming versus producing.  So many people don’t create anything or add to the world around them… they just take, take, take.  Everytime I fill my gas-guzzling minivan with gasoline because I’m a wealthy American who can afford to do it at whim, I think about consuming and whether I am putting anything back for others to have.  Do I just take?  Do I give?  Is it balanced?  I know I can’t determine my self-worth based on that, but it is worth considering what I have to offer and whether I am offering it.

So my kids don’t replace me and consuming and producing should be balanced… okay, I can set aside both of those points without argument.  The part that is left has me puzzled.  I think the idea of spiritual replacement through parenting is intrinsically attached to your worldview of parenting.  I think of myself as a steward of my children.  They aren’t Matt and my children… they belong to God.  They came from His imagination and they exist for His purposes and we have the incredible joy of being with them and loving them and nurturing them.  We love them to exhibit how much more God loves them.  We provide for them to exhibit how much more God provides for them.  And when we fail them, we trust that God will meet their needs because we know that we can’t always do that.  I don’t really know what the other parenting worldviews are but I suspect some people have children just to display their virility as a public statement that “they can have children.”  I suspect others have children and cling to them as possessions and personal belongings and their own progeny… the future of their family and the fulfillment of their dreams (this is an enticing trap; I fight this tendency everyday!).  And maybe some other options.

I don’t view my children as just extended versions of me.  I have absolutely no control over whether they will walk with the Lord throughout their lives or not.  Matt and I plan to do the very best job we can of raising them but they are people with choices and desires and personalities and intellects and we’ll lead them as far as we can, then release them to God’s loving care and pray for the best for them and maintain relationship with them.  But we can’t force it to happen.  So I can’t agree that the best way to increase the Christian population of the next generation is to give birth to a whole bunch of children… isn’t that up to the children and to our kind Lord who reaches openly for each of us and promises to build His Church? (Matthew 16:18).

So spiritual replacement, as in my kids replace my role in the body of Christ and their kids replace them and if we add a few more per generation, eventually we’ll take over and be in charge?  No, not so much.  That doesn’t sound appealing… taking over and being in charge is a common temptation for all of us but not in our job description as Christians.

But spiritual regeneration… that is an idea I can get behind!  Each of us who follows Jesus is choosing to serve Him as our King; we believe in His Kingdom which has already come but also has not yet fully come.  Each of us has a responsibility to be an agent in His Kingdom and this is what I pray for my children.  Rather than replace me, I want them to serve Him!  As we learn to accept His grace and to listen to His voice and obey, and we pattern our lives and choices and thoughts after Him, the picture of us starts to fade away and the beauty of Jesus the King shines through!  And He is so attractive and so vibrant that people want to know Him.  And new individuals choose Him as their King and follow Him and serve Him and work for His Kingdom and this sense of spiritual legacy is left across time… from Adam through to Abraham through to David through to Jesus through to his disciples all the way through to us and beyond.  You don’t have to give birth to children to have a spiritual legacy!  And having biological children doesn’t automatically give you a spiritual legacy! We all invest into people around us… loving one another, praying for one another, living our lives together and pointing to Jesus our King.  Zach and Rissa belong to the Lord Jesus who created them and He created every other child as well.  So all of those children out there… the millions of orphans in Africa and India and many other places… the neglected and abused kids here in my town… the boys and girls without a father… the hungry kids… and all the cared for and fed children too… they belong to Him!  And I belong to Him so that means they belong to me.  We’re family.  I don’t need to give birth to those children to love them up.  And having my very precious children in my home doesn’t replace the importance of reaching out to those in our community.  I can’t tell you the number of people who have loved on my kids and helped shape them into the smiling, inquisitive people they are becoming.  It isn’t just Matt and I who are investing in them… so many dear people are!  And we hope to invest in them too, as well as many more kids around us.

So that’s my current Half Idea, a little half-baked, but finally out of my brain and onto my computer so I can do something with it!  Thanks for thinking it through with me.