As you know, Matt went away for the weekend to have Man Time with 2 guys who deserve a break from regular life just as much as he does! And I was home with our kids. If you think of my mommying as a job, we’ll call my weekend the equivalent of overtime. I originally had all these big ideas for what I’d do with my free time during Quiet Time in the afternoons and when the kids were asleep in the evenings. I planned to have multiple “Jaime projects” ready to go so that I could blast through some serious crafting fun while Matt was away. That did not happen. I spent a good portion of my personal time either sleeping or sitting and staring vacantly because I was so exhausted from our extended trip to Iowa (which I realize that I still need to detail… for now, suffice it to say that our van makes me homicidal… toward our van).
I get extremely cranky when I’m tired and I’m tired all the time. Therefore, I am constantly on guard against crankiness with my kids because they don’t need a cranky mommy! But after a hard week of Matt’s uncle’s sudden death and squeezing in the travel time to go to Iowa (we’re really glad we went) and getting back, and then immediately sending Matt to Indianapolis for his already scheduled Man Time… I worried that the kids and I would create a horrific weekend for one another where I was doing the yelling and they were doing the abysmal things that made me want to yell.
Also, perhaps some mommies out there just adore being selfless and devoting every moment of themselves to others… I am NOT that mommy. It takes an extraordinary amount of effort for me to be selfless and I’m not sure it even counts because I have to talk myself into it and through it. I have to believe that’s true of many other people too and that I’m not the only one who is this abysmal? Fingers crossed. Anyway, this sort of “send Matt away for some much-needed rest and friend time” thing is likely to make me bitter that no one sent ME away for my own form of relaxing holiday! I had to mentally talk myself down over and over as this weekend approached. “Jaime. Be reasonable. Matt is the sun in this family. Everything basks in his warmth and is improved by his place here with us. You all desperately need him. You take a break midday every single day during Quiet Time. He deserves a measly weekend. You aren’t covering for him… you are being grateful for how often he covers for you. And you are still the moon… not as glamorous perhaps, but you get to manage calendar shifts and tidal waves. It can be a grunt work job, but you are loved. Now quit whining and GO ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN!” I’m abysmal sometimes, so it’s good to have someone as honest as me around to speak truth into my own heart!
I put 2 safeguards into my mind in order to successfully accomplish my weekend with the kids without letting myself get cranky or bitter:
1. Don’t accomplish anything. Frustration nearly always stems from not getting what appears to be a reasonable amount of stuff accomplished within a given timeframe. I have nap time and sleep time to myself! I have plans, big plans! No. No, I do not. The kids and I were going to check out the recycling store where they sell all sorts of crazy stuff for super cheap and you can build cool stuff out of it. We didn’t. We were going to go grocery shopping on Saturday morning. We didn’t. We were going to DO stuff. We didn’t. We sat around… I folded laundry while they watched tv. I sat and trolled the Internet while they napped. I accomplished a load of laundry or 2… but nothing big. It was fabulous. No expectations to be super awesome means that doing nothing at all is super awesome! I’m so glad I didn’t push myself… I can’t stand pushy people and I tend to push back. Doing that pushiness stand off with myself in some sort of epic inner battle while parenting 3 children by myself for the weekend would have been a travesty. It’s best not to go there.
2. I decided to say “yes.” If it was possible, I said yes when the kids asked for things. Three juice boxes in one day? Sure, go ahead, Sweetheart. Wearing that ridiculous outfit? Why not? Playing with your Easter eggs by throwing them in the air and exploding them on the hard kitchen floor until they cracked into pieces? Ehh, I’d normally stop you but it’s not a big deal. This was a subset of safeguard #1… I didn’t need to be super mommy and teach some important life lesson this weekend. It was far more important to avoid being cranky mommy. So I squelched a great deal of my inner “this is NOT a good idea!” comments and let it go. In fact, I suspect that being a yes mommy is critical in everyday parenting as well. Obviously, I have to say no to some things. But if I don’t HAVE to say no, why not let them have their crazy ideas and say yes? I tried it and we had no major meltdowns… from me or the kids.
Instead of feeling sad about missing Daddy, we celebrated him. “Daddy is so great, isn’t he? Daddy loves us and works very hard – we’re so glad we can make this weekend possible for him. Do you think he’s playing games with his friends? Do you think he gets to sleep in Will’s bed? (that prediction was accurate, Matt DID get to sleep in Will’s bed!) We’re having such a nice Mommy and kids date while Daddy has Man Time with Uncle Andy and Mr. Andrew. I’m so proud of us for doing this for Daddy.” And so on. We didn’t do anything spectacular, and I think that’s a noble goal because meltdowns are typically spectacular in their own right. And we missed Daddy and he missed us, but we spent lots of time talking about how great it is for Daddy to play with his friends. Rissa especially was very concerned about Daddy and how he never gets to play with his friends because he always has to go to work (he is always at work when she gets to play with her friends and she is convinced that he needs more playtime). We viewed Daddy’s fun time as our shared mission because we have fun all the time! Daddy will have fun with us when he comes home. Nathaniel ran around mentioning “Dah!” in every babbled monologue he spoke. This is the same little boy who wanders the house during our weekdays at home, peering into the shower or the basement or the kitchen and calling “Dah?” in case Daddy is here and he missed him somehow. “Dah” is a very big part of Thanny-man’s life and he talked about him the whole time he was gone.
On Friday night after Matt called to say he had safely arrived in Indy and I went to bed at 10pm, Rissa’s barking cough woke me up at midnight. I remembered the ER doctor’s advice from our last croup visit… cold air can be just as effective as a nebulizer treatment. I bundled her in a blanket and rocked her out on our porch rocking chair and her breathing became noticeably better. She got back in bed, slept, then came and got me at 3am and said, “Mommy, I can’t breathe… can we go back outside?” in between coughs and wheezes. So we did it again, and then she climbed into bed with me. Mercifully, she slept from 3:30am on, and everyone slept in. We spent the morning watching the tv and it was great!
On Saturday evening, we went to Miss Ramona’s house for pizza and fun with her whole family! It was great. So great that I didn’t even pull out my camera… I was having too much fun just being there. I wouldn’t have willingly gotten back in our abysmal van for any other reason, that’s for sure!
This morning, we headed to TCBC for the service, then finally bought some groceries before heading home for lunch and Quiet Time. We watched a movie and a bit of the football game (my European daughter asked where the soccer ball was!!!!), ate dinner, and then DADDY CAME HOME!
