Monthly Archives: January 2012

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Going to Iowa

We debated about what to do for the upcoming memorial service for Matt’s uncle.  It’s 350 miles away… we care deeply… Matt’s work week/deadlines are INSANE right now… Matt will already be away from home for this whole weekend for another event… we want to support Matt’s parents and be available and be what family should be… we have 3 small children… what to do?  We thought about sending just Matt.  I have to say, the idea of being on my own from Thursday-Sunday (while Matt drives to Iowa for the memorial on Thursday then to Indy on Friday) sounds far less appealing than staying together as a family and just doing this Iowa trip as a group.  Yes, it’s hard to do a road trip with kids.  But at least they get to spend that time with their daddy rather than miss him for another 2 days!  Once we found out that the service is in the afternoon and we are able to drive in that morning, then drive home that same evening, we decided to do it!  Matt has to be at work on Friday anyway, so he only has one day to work with – we’re sticking together!

As I am prone to do, I wrote a social story for my kids about our upcoming trip to Matt’s uncle’s memorial service.  We’ll be in the car for about 12-14 hours in one day.  Our kids are traveling rockstars, but this trip pushes even their boundaries of sanity.  So we do mental preparation by reading a story about Zach and Rissa and Nathaniel and Mommy and Daddy and how they drove in a green van to Iowa.  I’m sure I could just relay this information verbally to them, but there is something about seeing it written in story form that reminds them of the exact points I want them to keep in mind.  If I want them thinking about something, I put it in the story.  If there is something that might concern them, I put it in the story.  Then we read it over and over, right up until the actual event.  By the time they are actually living the story themselves, it all feels familiar and they feel confident about handling the situation because they feel that they have been here before.  Children are truly remarkable.

   

   

   

   

   

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Gramma and Granpa

We had a tragedy in our Olson family today.  Matt’s uncle passed away unexpectedly.  I don’t know what to say about that… I can’t think of anything profound to say.  So what can I give?  Well, I have some pictures of our kids with Gramma and Granpa from Christmas that I was saving so that I could post some happy memories for them after they have been missing us for awhile.  This seems like a good time to do that.

The day after Christmas was a lot of fun!  Gramma and Granpa were still here for the morning and early afternoon and we crammed as much fun into that time as we could!  Matt and I gave the kids and grandparents a gingerbread train to build together and they had lots of fun trying to make frosting hold everything together!  There were lots of giggles and lots of cuddles and lots of smiles.  My favorite kind of fun.

Hope these pictures give you some joy in this hard time, Granpa and Gramma!  Loves to you from the Olson Five.

   

   

   

If you need an upper body workout, my kids have just the thing for you.  They could do this all day, so whenever you think your guns need a challenge, call us.  We’ll schedule a session for you.  I think this game was invented by Zach and Granpa, but it quickly spread.  Poor Granpa probably hoisted the equivalent of 47 kids that day.

      

      

While toys that come in large boxes are fun, the large boxes that toys come in are the real treasure in any child’s heart!  Basketball hoop in the basement; basketball hoop box/boat/slide/firetruck/ambulance/trampoline in the living room.  Win-win!

      

      

   

   

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Away We Go!

Today, Nathaniel and I began his Kindermusik journey.  I’ve been so excited about this because I knew he would LOVE it!  He is SO friendly and he loves to dance and clap and stomp.  I’m pretty sure anyone who has ever even thought about him can sense how much this boy likes to MOVE!  We debated whether to wait until the fall when he is 2.5 years old (like his siblings were when they started Kindermusik).  But he is ready.  And we were able to choose a class with Miss Brandi during our already scheduled Mommy/Thanny time due to the twins’ preschool schedule.  So we checked into it and signed him up!

Amazingly, we already have the supplies for this semester!  Exactly 2 years ago, I began this exact curriculum with Z and R so we already have the cds, the books, the activities, and the harmonicas.  People, let us not forget the harmonicas!  Possibly the best musical instrument EVER for a 2 year old/not quite 2 year old.  I can’t say it’s the best instrument ever for the parent of a 2/nq2 year old because it is loud.  But melodic and musical sounding (unlike other instruments that pass as early childhood ready that are just obnoxious.  Kindermusik is so great about providing instruments that you have to actually play and that are high enough quality to actually still be musical!)

When we walked in today, I knew everyone in the room.  That never happens!  I already knew that Sue and Krista from small group would be there with their little guys who are Nathaniel’s friends.  But I didn’t know that it would be such a small group of us or that the other mom was someone I knew through our informal twin network (mostly pioneered by Sara T).  Yay for premade friends!

This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, but Nathaniel had the time of his life.  He participated during the first activity and I was shocked!  Usually, small children run around pretending that they are paying zero attention to what’s going on in class for the first session at least, and perhaps several after that.  Parents shake their heads and wonder why they even bother doing this if their kids aren’t going to get anything out of the class.  And then magically, the children start singing the songs at home and doing the learned movements and the parents realize that their children are absorbing EVERYTHING that goes on around them, even though they are good at faking that they aren’t listening.  Zach and Rissa started out as lap magnets and slowly warmed up in class (though they were demonstrating constant growth at home directly related to Kindermusik).  So I knew to be ready for that with Thanny-man.  It took some coaxing to get him over to the circle of friends because he acquired his patent-pending instantaneous shyness and hid by the cabinets.  But the shyness dissipated as soon as I hauled his little self over to my lap and by the end of the first song, he was doing whatever movements Miss Brandi was doing and smiling as if he had never been so delighted!  My 22 month old was participating!  It was so awesome.

We’ve had such wonderful experiences with Kindermusik in general and with Miss Brandi in particular.  She has the patience of a preschool teacher and the warmth of a mommy.  My kids adore her.  We ran into her at Meijer a few weeks ago and Nathaniel refused to make eye contact because he didn’t remember meeting her when he was a few weeks old (I gave birth to him during Z and R’s first semester of Kindermusik).  After today, he believes that they are best buds.  All she had to do was talk about trains and read him a story about a train and he was hooked on Miss Brandi!  Because our unit this semester is called Away We Go! and it is all about transportation.  Cars and trains and airplanes and horses and bicycles and boats.  For the boy who never stops moving, it is perfection.  His already burgeoning language skills are already leaping out in class – he searched Miss Brandi’s face today during one song with train noises and noticed that the chugging was getting faster and faster.  He caught her eye and then squealed “Fast!” while making sure that she was hearing this and was as excited as he was.  He clapped after each activity.  He even tried to jump!  His little feet didn’t really leave the ground but his knees were bending up and down and up and down for some deep bouncing lunges.  I’m willing to count it – first time I’ve seen him try to jump!  I was so proud of my little bub.  I knew it would be wonderful, but his delight was so evident that it made the experience better for everyone else in the room too!

   

      

We went to pick up Zach and Rissa from preschool and they asked Nathaniel if he liked Kindermusik.  He nodded very decisively to make sure they knew he was saying, “VERY much.”  They were a little bit sad that they didn’t get to go too and threatened to quit preschool so they could do Kindermusik instead!  But they chatted about it and decided that they do love preschool and since Nathaniel can’t go there, at least he should be able to do something awesome.

We had a rocky afternoon with some sleepy yet non-napping kids and when Matt invited us out on a date to El Toro, I worried that we’d be a disaster and that the staff and other patrons would rue the day they let us in.  All the frustration and whining and general abysmalness that small children exude when they are exhausted was too much for me to handle, much less on a date in a restaurant.  If we couldn’t enjoy it, why bother?  I called Matt back to tell him that he might want to date us on a more pleasant day, but he was still willing to take us out to celebrate our special day of fun at Kindermusik for Nathaniel and fun at preschool for Zach and Rissa.  So we went.  And on our drive over, I talked to the kids about the importance of being a fun date and being kind and nice so that Daddy would be happy to buy us a nice dinner because he really loves us.  They agreed that fun dates are the best and they were angels.  Thank goodness Matt talked me into going for it!  It was totally worth it.

       

      

 

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A Pharisee in my Former Life

Allow me to describe someone you might have met.  This person is judgmental.  And secretly, this person is afraid.  Everything is a personal attack against them, EVERYTHING.  If you don’t agree with this person on a given topic, they bash you with rationale and credentials and then cite sources to support their view because you MUST come around to their way of thinking.  This person will tell you exactly what is wrong with you, with your worldview, and with the way you live your life.  In areas where this person is a self-proclaimed expert, you are really in trouble!  This person loves Jesus, they really do.  You hardly ever see it because they are so busy “proving” their love for Jesus by demonstrating how much closer to Jesus they are than you are.  They bash you with Bible verses to prove your stupidity for disagreeing with their interpretation of God’s Word.  They assume automatic authority over you because this person has the BIBLE and hello, what do you have?  Thoughts?  Feelings?  Beliefs?  Ha!  That’s nothing.  Step down, fool, and get schooled by the TRUTH!  This person sincerely wants to follow Jesus but is so bent on proving their worth to be called one of His followers, they often isolate themselves because no one can handle the harshness of their words or the dismissal of their eyes.  Everyone else except for this person is misguided.  Inaccurate.  Not as intent on pursuing God.  Everyone else just wants to hear what feels good, right?  This person gets lost in religiosity and settles for going to heaven when they die as the sole mission of life.  And then trying to tell everyone else to go to heaven when they die too.  They care about everyone else.  But this person just doesn’t know how to do anything except earn what they have because they are terrified of not being good enough.  Sure, God accepts them as His child and they don’t worry about not making it into heaven.  But do they really do enough good things?  To show God that they are worthy?  They’ll never know.  So this person bashes people with their Bible and parades as a know-it-all.

Have you met this person?

I have.  It’s me.  That was me, down to the letter.

By God’s grace, I’m recovering from my Pharisee days, where I was the model of religion and the self-perceived keeper of the truth.  Three boyfriends got plowed over by my “you have to get it together and be a spiritual leader!  And good luck, because I’m better at this than you!” mentality.  And countless friends.  I had that dismissal with my eyes trick down!  I’m smart and thoughtful and educated.  I know my Bible as well as I know my academic field of study, probably better.  I learned the verses, I went to the Christian school, I practically lived at a church that taught the Bible.  I decided to follow Jesus at an early age.  But I was broken.  I was a Christian and I was broken.  And I knew it.  I could never be enough.  So I faked it with arrogance.  I still fall into that prideful “I’m right!” sin, even now.

I can’t even fully explain it, but the Lord Jesus transformed my heart.  It started with my laser-beam vision turning inward.  Everyone thought I was so happy and such a good Christian and such a leader and I had potential.  But I knew the darkness in my heart.  I knew my thoughts and my fears.  And I didn’t know if Jesus would rescue me so I went about my life being as solidly impenetrable as I possibly could be.  Was I being fake if no one could see my brokenness except for me?  I started telling the truth about myself.  I learned to pity my feeble attempts to rely on myself.  I left romantic relationships that required me to be the leader.  I saw myself how I really was… mean and arrogant and superior to everyone else.  Especially other Christians who disagreed with me.  God gave me a very potent gift and it floored me.  I started graduate school and got involved with Graduate InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.  And I met people who were VERY different from me.  I could see clear evidence of their love for Jesus… but they didn’t share my views politically.  Or theologically.  Or culturally.  Some did, but others… people who I deeply respected, disagreed with me on things that I was certain were deal-breakers to disagree about.  One of those people was my husband, though at the time I thought he was a very misguided nice guy and certainly NOT husband material.  Jesus had already transformed Matt from his former-Pharisee status.  He knew what it was like to be me.  We both could have won awards in religiosity.  Matt befriended me, as did other deeply important friends.  They challenged me in love.  I attended Twin City Bible Church where the Gospel was really preached.  The Bible wasn’t claimed as an automatic authority there, it was searched and delved into with difficult questions that didn’t always wrap up neatly in a 30 minute sermon.  It was respected as a guide for life rather than used as a tool that added credibility to me and detracted it from those other people who just don’t get it.

Most importantly, I learned that my sin is not the thrust of the Gospel.  My personal salvation isn’t either.  Jesus is the King.  He is King whether He saves me or not.  He is the author of life and the completer of His purposes.  And it is HIS choice to include people like me.  Frankly, He is crazy to draw me in because I’m a bit of a mess.  I’m pretty sure I have all the answers and it took Him a lot of work, both with gentle prodding and direct critique, to break me from that.  The Gospel is about the King and His Kingdom.  Where He restores everything to Himself.  Creation.  People.

We know that things are messed up.  Every single one of us can look around and see the need for a Savior.  I just happened to be one of those people who assumed that Jesus wanted me to be that savior.  To rescue people and tell them the truth and get them to transfer from a pathway to hell over to a pathway to heaven.  Because when we die, we want to be with Jesus, right?  But what about now?  What about our life here?  Is it just a holding ground, a waiting period?  Do we suffer through it to get purified enough to go be with God?  No, Jesus is transforming His world right now.  He is present and active through His Holy Spirit.  God’s grace is abundant and it is even for me.  And that concept – grace – I just didn’t get that before.  I was working so hard to be worthy of it.  I focused on the sin in my life and in the lives around me.  We need to eradicate it!  But our sin is not the focus.  God Himself is the focus.  He is not just a means to an end to rid us of sin.  Our sin doesn’t define His role.  He defines Himself and graciously shares Himself with us.  He loves us first and lets us love Him back.  He invites us to walk with Him now… not when we die… now.

Through these various factors and others that I can’t even name, I saw Jaime the Pharisee in her broken state.  And I had to come to Jesus all over again and ask for His eyes toward me and toward others.  Not quick glances of dismissal, but deeply searching, loving eyes.  Matt waited for Jesus’ transformation in my life and we are walking together now, throwing away our former beliefs about our justified arrogance and chasing after Jesus.  It’s hard.  I’d rather rely on myself.  But when I look back at the former me, the one who loved Jesus but didn’t know how to let Him love me… I’m so sad that I lasted that way for so long.  And I’m so grateful that Jesus didn’t leave me there.  And when I meet others who act like I used to act, I hope for their transformation as well.  Some of them have known me since I was that person and wonder why I lost my way.  I’d wonder that too, if I didn’t know so clearly that Jesus pulled me out of that darkness and into His glorious light.

I know there are sin areas that get everyone riled up.  It’s always the ones that we don’t struggle with personally, isn’t it?  People are proud to be straight… proud to not have chosen an abortion.  Others are proud to be open-minded and accepting.  Others are proud to be self-reliant and not need the help of other people.  Still others are proud to get whatever they can.  We all have areas where we struggle and we all can point to someone else and say, “at least I’m not the monster that YOU are!”  Go ahead and point to me if you need someone.  I was a real jerk.  And I stamped Jesus’ name all over my actions and I hurt Him deeply, as well as countless others.  And I’m committed to letting Him burn away that arrogance that I clung so tightly to and give me a new heart of compassion and grace.  He was tenacious enough to draw me to Himself so I have hope for everyone else!  If He could rescue me from my self-reliance and pride and pull me out of my fears of never being good enough, I know that He can rescue us all.  Because He is the Savior.  But He is also the Lord.  And that means that when He transforms our hearts into His likeness, we stick with Him.  We follow Him and we trudge through difficulty and loneliness and the intense longing to go back to where He found us.

I’ve always loved Jesus.  But I’ve found that I didn’t always know Him.  I’m so grateful that He reveals Himself and that He chose to open my eyes.  I won’t go back to what I was and I am grieved by the people I know who are still there.  But there is hope in Him.