Our friend Andrew often says, “God is good all the time!”  I know that he and Joy pray for us and on several occasions when we email them to report what God has done, he reminds us of God’s goodness with his response.  It’s a good reminder.

I have absolutely no issue with the “God is good” part.  Definitely!  When good things happen, it is so easy to say that God is good.  He is.  But that’s not the punchy part of this phrase.  What about “all the time!”  Is God really good all the time?  Is He good when bad things happen?  Would Andrew say, “God is good all the time!” if we emailed to say that despite our prayers, God didn’t act?

God IS good all the time.  But that’s not my heart’s response in hardship.  When I see His hand… when I see His glory… when I see His work in my life, I KNOW God is good.  But sometimes I can’t see anything.  It feels dark.  I’m stumbling.  I’m sad.  I’m alone.  When I am depressed, I see myself sitting in a dark cold cave alone.  I’m hunched up against a wet wall and I’m begging Jesus to come and be with me.  Because He brings warmth and light and that’s what I need!  When things stay the same in the wet, cold, dark cave of my heart, I wonder why He didn’t come.  And then when the lights finally come on and I can see my way out, I look over and see Jesus sitting in the cave with me.  I wasn’t alone.  He was there the whole time.  He came.  But it was still wet and cold and dark during my depression.  I think I need warmth and light but what I really need is Jesus.  Jesus is with me and He holds my hand until the warmth and light come back.  And He keeps holding my hand then too.  He is present in sufferings and in joys.

A friend of mine is in her third trimester of pregnancy with their third child.  They need a new and larger home for their expanding family and time is running out.  Their story slices right into my heart because I was THERE a year ago.  I know what it is like to not have room for your baby.  I know how difficult it is to hope to sell your house and to deal with uncertainty of where you will be one month from now, 2 months from now, 6 months from now.  Despite our experience of staying put despite our dreams to move on, I hoped and prayed that things would work out for her family, and quickly.  I don’t want anyone to endure what we did a year ago!

And they did.  They listed their house for sale 2 days before we did and they already have a buyer lined up, within days.  The first person who saw their home!  They also found a new house and just have to finish up the legal details.  The important thing is that they will be in their new home in time for their baby to arrive.  And they don’t have to show their house anymore to other prospective buyers – they can settle into moving mode without worrying about keeping a perfect house.  It is everything I dreamed for her… and for me.  As she joyfully announced their news on Facebook, someone said, “God is good!”

I am SO happy for them.  I am so grateful that they have a home to meet the growing needs of their family.  At the same time, I can’t help but wonder why God didn’t pull off something equally amazing for us.  A year ago… or even now.  My lovely home is on the market and no one has called to come look at it yet.  And I am terrified of doing this long-term waiting game again without being able to move on.  I know God is good and I know God is good all the time.  He showed His goodness by providing for my friend.  Is He only good to her?  Or is He only good sometimes?  I was very pregnant too.  We needed a home for my baby and older 2 children too.  What is the difference?

Does God love my friend more than He loves me?  No!  Through His perfect love for both of us as well as everyone else, He has expended everything on our behalf!  He gave His life.  He gave His love.  He gives His Spirit.  I couldn’t receive any more from Him than I already have.  On top of His love for me, have you guys met my husband and children?  I have a wonderful, AMAZING family.  God’s love pours out through each of these people into me every day.

I don’t understand the reasons.  I don’t know all the background for why things are the way they are.  I don’t know why God’s intervention and provision for my friend has been different than His intervention and provision for me.  I would be furious if someone did claim to know these things.  I don’t think they are knowable and even if they were, I don’t think it would help to know.  I do know that I am thrilled that Nathanny gets to live next door to Miss Kathie and Mister Frank.  Had we moved, we would see them less often and he would surely have missed out on some of the fun we’ve had with them.  They are the best part of living in our current home!  I look forward to continuing our friendship/almost-familyship with them no matter which house we live in.

And… I’m REALLY hoping that our house sells.  That someone falls in love with this home that we have poured ourselves into.  That we find a place we can make a new home for ourselves and for others for many years to come.  I know what God can do.  I’m so grateful that He has demonstrated His love so tangibly toward my friend.  I want to see that in my life too.  Where is He?  Oh wait, even in my dark cave, I know that Jesus is there with me.  I’m holding onto that, just as He holds onto my hand.