Monthly Archives: March 2009

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Getting Involved

I am fascinated by the show, “What Would You Do?” on ABC.  I have only watched it a handful of times, but they stage hidden cameras and have actors set up a questionable situation to see if any bystanders will get involved and help.  I saw one with a baby locked in a car with the windows closed and the few individuals who tried to help while everyone walked by with a concerned face but no action.  I saw another one where a woman was being harassed by a man who wouldn’t leave her alone at a restaurant, despite her vehement  protests that she wasn’t interested in him and he should please leave her alone.  A few people came to her aid.  The host of the show always explains to those who helped and to those who didn’t that it was an experiment and wasn’t real and interviews them to get a sense of their reaction.

I watched just a few minutes of the one this week regarding racial profiling.  A lovely, well-dressed African-American woman, a producer on the show, went into an upscale boutique in New York City posing as a customer.  The actor posing as the store manager said terrible things about how this woman was not welcome in the store and they didn’t want her business because they knew her “type.”  Then security (also an actor) frisked her to see if she had already stolen anything.  Most of the other shoppers ignored it and carried on with their shopping. (!!!!)  A few brave people stood up for her and were also demeaned by the actors pretending to run the store.

It was just awful!  I practically cried on that woman’s behalf, because she may have been acting in a set-up experiment to see what people would do, but it wasn’t fake.  That sort of thing happens ALL the time; it is very real.  Where are the people who will step in and help?  I flashed back to a time in my late 20’s when I was in an airport between flights and saw a middle-aged man standing in the middle of a busy area just screaming at his wife.  He called her names and blamed her for something that happened in their travels and was in a complete rage.  Her eyes were so lifeless… it was clear that she had been the recipient of this sort of attack many, MANY times.  No one was noticing them except for me; people just scurried by “minding their own business.”  I just stood and gaped and thought, “Someone needs to help her!  I’d like to help by punching him in the face and taking her away to be safe and respected and cared for like she deserves…  but in reality, what can I do?”

I was terrified because I have witnessed that sort of scene many times in the past as a helpless child, unable to step in and do the right thing.  Those were all real too, and only very rarely did anyone come over to help us.  Where are the people who will step in and save?  It IS all of our business when someone is treated unjustly.  But that day, in that airport, I wasn’t a helpless child.  I was a self-assured 20-something who would NOT stand by and see this happen again, regardless of how terrified I was or how much it reminded me of past experiences!  I marched my way over, utterly terrified, and quietly said, “Sir, it isn’t okay for you to talk to her like that.  You need to stop.  Ma’am, this isn’t okay.  I’m so sorry.”  He started yelling at me about how it isn’t any of my business and I wanted to run and hide but doing the right thing is doing the right thing, so I yelled back, “Sir!!!  You need to stop!”  I don’t even remember the details of what happened after that because it was so hard, but I remember telling that woman that this isn’t okay and she doesn’t have to stay in a place where she isn’t safe.  And then they walked away and I was heartbroken and in tears that she probably would continue to be unsafe and now I’d angered him and she might have to pay for that later too.

Did I help?  I don’t know.  I DO know that there were many, many times that I wished a kind stranger had come over and helped me and said, “That’s not okay and I won’t let this happen.  You are supposed to be safe and while I’m here, you are.”  And I am privileged to know several strong women who didn’t realize it the first time, or the second time, or the 30th time, or the 100th time, but eventually, they did realize that it isn’t okay to be abused, verbally or otherwise.  And enough people stepped in and said “this isn’t okay” that they finally believed it.  And now they are okay.  I guess I’m on that list too because now?  Now, I am okay.

I have an obligation to get involved and help.  Not just because I have been the one who needed help and God provided people to love me, so now it is my turn to be the one to offer love.  It is integral to my faith in Jesus Christ, who cares deeply for the “least of these.”  I heard a talk given by the founder of the International Justice Mission, Gary Haugen.  He said that throughout Scripture, God is passionate about two things:  the world and justice.  Amazingly enough, He chooses to act in both cases through His people, the Church.  And God doesn’t have a backup plan!  We are it.  We are to love like Jesus loves to the world of people who need to see a face with love to know that God is real and good.  And we are to bring righteousness (a synonym for justice in God’s Word) to those who don’t have the rights and dignities that God means for them to have because someone else stole them to gain power, things like life and family and control over their own body and work and community and safety.

If you ever see something that you know isn’t okay, it would be SO great if you could just step in and say, “This isn’t okay.”  Even if that’s all you can do.  There are lots of little Jaimes out there looking for heroes.  And you could be one.  You could be a face of Jesus’ love.  Even if it ends up being an experiment for a television show, at least you tried.  Because most of the time, I can assure you, it is real.

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Breaking News: Fashion and Eskimo Love makes Fevers Better

Rissa was feverish last week on Wednesday and Thursday. On Thursday evening, her temperature read 103.7. YIKES! We made an appointment across town with the late pediatric clinic and headed there, dinner and twoddlers in tow. We sat in the lobby… Matt and I ravenous and Zach and Rissa eating their macaroni and cheese, green beans, and bottles before bed. We got back to see the pediatrician and her resident eventually and we listed Rissa’s symptom: a high fever. That’s it. No runny nose, no painful ears, no reduced appetite, only a fever and crappy sleep and irritability because of her fever. After assessing her, they were pleased to report that she does not have strep, she does not have the flu, and she does not have an ear infection. Yes, thank you, what DOES she have? She has tonsils covered with puss, so we’re going with a diagnosis of viral tonsillitis. She is contagious, will be feverish for 1-2 more days, and needs lots of fluids. It was relieving for us to have her checked out because we do not mess around with high fevers! We were grateful to have brought the twoddlers’ dinner with us so that they could get home, get into jammies, and go straight to bed, albeit WAY past their bedtime.

Dinner started while we waited in the lobby and became a traveling affair with several stops (the patient room, the baby scale, the nose and throat swabs) before it was finished. When you are at the doctor's office and you are 18 months old and MUST RUN AT ALL TIMES but you are penned in and feel limited, the best thing to do is to find the stirrups on the examining table and try to pull them out fast enough to take off your twin's head. Then you shove them back in, then out, then in, then out. Then you trade stirrups with your twin and do it again. Then you run around squealing and tracing the floor tiles and wanting to lick stuff you shouldn't lick and open the sterilized equipment drawer and play with the trashcan. And then you find the stirrups again and feel fortunate to have something to do. This works at your appointments, your twin's appointments, and Mommy's appointments. Apparently, everyone in your healthcare network has these awesome examining tables!

On Friday, I planned for a quiet day of snuggles and a sick Riss-Riss.  She did a great job getting through it but we relied on lots of snuggles.  Zach-a-bean needed lots of snuggles too because being the well twin means you might be overlooked and you need to pipe up and get yours too!  I looked through their closet to find something exciting for Rissa to wear with her perennial white onesie, worn every single day to help her keep her diaper on.  I found these adorable pants that were a birthday gift from Auntie Maria and Uncle Andy and asked Rissa if she wanted to wear them.  She VERY much did.  Then I said, “Do you want to wear the dress too, just for fun, over your onesie?”  Her sweet face lit up and she said, “Wes!”  So we put the dress on her too.  Oh my. The girl floated her way over to the mirror to admire herself.  She basically floated through her day… smiling and floating as she felt the soft fabric and admired the funky stripes.  It is quite possibly her new favorite outfit and she was adorable in it!  I dressed Zach in something equally cute so he wouldn’t feel left out.

Rissa, reading her blankie book with her blankie. Our gorgeous princess in her outfit that makes a bad day better. It's a little big right now, so we'll be loving this outfit all spring and into the summer!

Hugs for his puppy. Zach is red hot in his striped outfit! When Zach runs, his shoulders go up, up, up!

We spent time together when Matt got home from work.  This is my favorite time of week!  Friday evening… Matt will be home the rest of the weekend, family cuddle time, and the latest episode of Dollhouse after the babies go to bed.  We can get through fevers!  We just use every tool we have:  adorable outfits that automatically make you feel better because you KNOW you look good, lots of play time, fun stories, and Eskimo kisses.  That’s the Olsons-of-Urbana way.  And when that isn’t enough?  Well, that’s okay.  You do what you can and you still get through it.

Reading the Very Hungry Caterpillar with Mommy. The caterpillar needs kisses because he ate too much! The caterpillar needs kisses from two kids because he really ate too much! Ahh, now he feels better.

Daddy taught Zach eskimo kisses and it is incredibly sweet to see Zach grab Matt's face with gusto and crunch noses together! Rissa loves the eskimo kisses game with Daddy!

Olson love. Eskimo kisses all around!

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Spring is in the Air

I can’t think of a decent way to explain what you are about to see… but I can try.  Maybe we are too affectionate with our kids.  We do kiss them a LOT; they are the most kissable people we have ever met!  Those pudgy cheeks, those sparkling, flashing eyes, those enormous smiles, those delicious smelling little baby heads.  Maybe we make out too much in front of them!  We didn’t realize we were modeling kissing or the placement of kisses.  Or maybe spring is in the air everywhere you look around.  Regardless, this movie is likely the CUTEST thing you will ever see!  I was so excited to finally capture it on our video camera that I forgot to ask the kissed twin to reciprocate and be the kissing twin, but you can be certain that if I had, it would have gone the same way!

Mommy's failed attempts at capturing a kiss on camera on Sunday morning. Success! Kissing babies on Sunday afternoon.

Faces are funny... lips, noses, eyes, ears, hair. Zach has a sweet kiss for Rissa's cheek. They are so darling!

Rissa offers a kiss to her piggy. Zach offers a kiss to Rissa's piggy after offering one to his.

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Meal Planning

I’m such a study in contrast when it comes to cooking.  I really enjoy the big picture of cooking, but the details of handling raw meat and washing dishes annoy me.  I get compliments from my family on my culinary work but that doesn’t seem to inspire me to do this regularly.  Personality-wise, I’m a planner and a list-maker.  Through a convoluted series of events, that led to me becoming a controlling perfectionist.  I don’t like Jaime the controlling perfectionist nearly as much as I like easygoing gracious Jaime, so I threw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.  I err on the side of winging it these days, a special skill I picked up as a twin mom.  But that means that most days at 5pm, it occurs to me that I have no plans for dinner.  And it means that grocery shopping trips are often done with a list of staples in mind rather than a list of ingredients for specific dishes.

On Monday night, I had a time crunch.  The babies went to bed at about 7:15pm and Heroes was on at 8pm and Castle was on at 9pm.  (Sidenote:  Castle stars Nathan Fillion, a favorite of ours from Firefly and Stana Katic, my dear friend from junior high who I haven’t seen since our first year in college!!!  It was so exciting to “find” her on Season 1 of Heroes as a bit part in 2 episodes and then in the recent Quantum of Solace and now in Castle.  Check her out on Monday nights).  Anyway, I had only 45 minutes to grocery shop and get home before our shows, so I needed a plan.  I pulled out a cookbook with lots of crock pot recipes that I really like and decided to flip through, buy ingredients for the first few recipes that sounded good, and see what happens.  Easygoing, gracious Jaime knows that this week of dinners could be an abysmal failure and that it will be okay if it is.  I really like her; SO much better than controlling Jaime who is almost never brave enough to branch out!

We have eaten so well this week!  I’ve known what I intend to make for dinner every day this week by noon.  NOON!!!  I barely know what to do with myself with that much new information.  It’s rather empowering.  Leftovers have been delicious and have given me a break from cooking every single night.  We discovered Mango Curry Chicken, a new staple for the Olson home.  It was amazing.  I now know where to find chutney at my grocery store, not that I know what chutney is.  But I can find it and I’m a fan!

Will it stick?  Will I be able to become a meal-planning Jaime who doesn’t drop into controlling Jaime?  As I said earlier, I tend to just toss out planning in general because I don’t like where I could let myself go with that.  While being over-disciplined is awful, living without discipline takes a toll too.  I’m not sure I can do this “regularly” yet, but there are several key motivators to try.

1.  I am less-pressured and it shows.  I still love to scrounge through my cabinets and whip up something I have never tried before, like the spinach/bell pepper/garlic/bean ensemble I threw together last week over rice to the high praise of my family who loved it.  But I can’t be amazing every day.  So having a plan helps me fake it.  (There is a psychological underpinning here that I just realized… I tend to style my hair once in awhile, rather than every day.  I figure that looking especially good every once in awhile will feel better than trying to live up to an expectation that I must always have great hair.  It appears that I would rather have smashing successes every once in awhile than be consistently reasonably good at something and chance never being noticed.  I wonder what that says about me?)

2.  My kids are eating more interesting things.  They eat really healthy food… we cover the food groups and rely mostly on vegetables and grains around here for them.  They love it and it is easy.  But the simple diet I have them on doesn’t exactly expand their palate to new and interesting things!  They are open to trying new things so I need to capitalize on that while it lasts, before they turn into picky toddlers who prefer some nasty thing like hotdogs. 🙂

3.  Most importantly, I have a happy Matthew.  This is usually true, of course, but I sense that having a yummy dinner ready to go really helps him.  He puts plenty of effort into our relationship anyway, but this week, I noticed that he has an overflow of conversation topics to share with me!  He wants to sit and talk and to share his thoughts and find out what I think.  And I LOVE to sit and talk and think together… it’s one of my favorite things.  I feel less pressured (see #1), so I’m more likely to take time for a hug rather than running around busy.  Maybe we’re always talkative and huggy and it has little to do with meal planning, but I do know that this week, I’ve had the mental effort to devote toward noticing my husband and my marriage rather than scurrying around to find food.

I thought that if I blogged about it, I might solidify the experience enough in my mind to pull this off a bit more often.  So there you have it.  Now I know and you know and I know that you know.  Let’s see what happens.

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Reminders

Yesterday, we played with friends.  Two of my friends came over with their little boys who are Zach and Rissa’s age and the 6 of us hung out in the playroom with Hoochie.  I was encouraged as we talked… every kid has different strengths and weaknesses!  Kids who sleep well might not eat as well.  Kids who eat great might not want to nap.  Some kids can poop, some have lots of trouble with it.  Or any other combination you can think of.  I remembered that every mom and every little one has an area of great concern to them and also many areas to be extremely proud of their amazing children.  I watched those other two little boys run and crawl around in the playroom and I was overjoyed to see them accomplish all the new things that they can do since I saw them last!  It was just a really cool reminder of the joy of being home everyday to watch God transform my children into people as they grow and develop and learn and challenge and love.  I’m so glad to be around to see all of this!  It is good to be reminded that weight and height percentiles are not the measures of a good mom — love and the grace of God are!  And as I said yesterday, “Don’t you want to meet that perfect kid who is strong in every area so you can punch their mom in the face?  I do!”

Amanda, Joseph, Zach, and Riss Thane and Erica

I’m glad to have had those reminders yesterday because this morning has been absolutely awful!  Hoochie pooped in the playroom and I was in the shower and when I came out and found the poop, I had no idea if my kids had found it or touched it.  There were toys and books near the poop, scattered around in the haphazard decorating style that is always associated with our playroom.  Thankfully, Zach and Rissa were on the other side of the room reading stories to themselves.  I took all the nearby items out of the room for cleaning and sequestered the babies in the living room/dining room and let them run around while I put Hoochie outside and attempted to clean.  This led to carrying poop in paper towels to the toilet to flush it and after I washed my hands and came out of the bathroom and tried to shut the door, Zach’s fingers were in the hinged area.  He screamed in pain, Rissa was horrified that he was hurting and started crying too and we all sat together and cried.  It was just awful.  His poor little hand!

Sometimes I am fully convinced that I cannot do this.  After leaving my dog in the playroom to poop near my children and then shutting Zach’s hand in a door, I wonder how I’m going to get through my day, much less my parenting role.  It is devastating.

Then I remember that I can’t really quit this job because momming is so much more than a job.  The reminders of when I do a crappy job and mess up and really don’t function as well as I should in order to pull this off… well, they happen a lot.  It’s really hard.  But God manages to balance those reminders with the ones He placed in my day yesterday.  As painful as it is to be a failure sometimes, I do a great job other times.  I’m so grateful to have a kind husband who assures me that things will be okay and that he loves that I’m the mommy of his kids, even when he knows all my disasters because I call him practically in tears.  The number of accidents isn’t the measure of a good mom any more than the height and weight percentiles.  I’m still relying on love and the grace of God.  I sure can’t rely on me!