One year ago tonight, I was sitting in my private, newly renovated hospital room on the labor and delivery floor committing myself to holding out for 2 more weeks of pregnancy. We picked up our minivan from the dealer in the morning and I went to my biweekly OB-GYN appointment for the dreaded monitoring. I had my last ultrasound and then saw my doctor. My blood pressure was through the roof, a primary indicator of preeclampsia. The scare with that is that it could become eclampsia at any moment, bringing on possible strokes and seizures for me and an unsafe environment for two tiny babies inside me! I was not allowed to go home from my appointment; instead, they admitted me immediately, put me in a wheelchair and “drove” me to my new digs until those babies were born, because the cure for preeclampsia is giving birth.
I was on forced bedrest and Matt packed a bag with movies and crafts and my favorite maternity clothes and yummy smelling things so that I could ride out my next 2 weeks of bedrest with some sense of normalcy. I was committed to getting these twins to full-term, which is 36 weeks for twins! We all know it didn’t work that way — I never even got to use all the items he packed for me! My lab results plummeted overnight, my doctor wisely saved the babies and me by taking them out the next morning, and nearly one year ago, we met tiny Kiwi and tinier Raisin for the first time and I was dreadfully sick.
When I think back on that or look through my well-documented scrapbook, it seems like I’m remembering someone else’s reality. Those are my babies but they were so different! I barely recognize us compared to the us of now. We weren’t sure if they were okay or if they could eat enough to survive or if my milk would come in… we didn’t know how long they would live at the NICU… we didn’t know when or if I would recover… we didn’t know how to bring them home without the safety net of the monitors that kept track of their heartrate and breathing. And now I look at my healthy babies who are bright little sunbeams that light up everything around them and I am amazed that they are normal and right where they should be, sometimes even ahead of where they should be! What miracles we have!
Today, I said to Matt as we put them to bed, “These are our last moments with them as babies. Tomorrow, they aren’t babies anymore!” Matt, in his Mattish sort of way, said, “Babies, from tomorrow on, you’ll be a man and a woman!” It seems like that is true in some ways, but I’m grateful that as we lose babyhood, we gain toddlerhood (and whatever the inbetween of those two is since they aren’t technically “toddling” yet, thank God!). I loved them so much when they were born but I love them so much more now. I can’t wrap my mind around what it means to have one-year-old children, because this whole parenting thing is not intended for looking ahead. That picture is fuzzy and unclear. And looking back shows alot of skills I acquired that are no longer necessary… like pumping EVERY 3 hours and going without sleep and entertaining 4 month olds (it’s harder than it looks!). Parenting is for right now… how am I loving them right now? Who are they right now? How well do I know them right now?
We’re having a birthday party for them on Sunday… our family members who can are traveling to be here for the party (we’ll miss you, Aunt Alana, Uncle Neil, Grammy and Grampa!). I’ll be straight with you… this party is about Matt and I! The babies are the stars but it is our constant care that has allowed them to grow to where they are so we are celebrating us! Us as a family, so all of us. It will be super fun. But here in the Olson house, we celebrate birthdays with reckless abandon, sometimes for days at a time! So tomorrow on their actual birthday, we’re doing some special things to ring in their first year. We’re having a picnic lunch with Daddy, who is the best part of every day! You should see them light up when he gets home… it’s a crawling dash and a babies and Hoochie pileup at the door to maul Matt. Zach wakes up from naps asking for Da-Da. He is always happy to see me, but if Da-Da is home, Zach wants to be sure to ask for him, just in case! They both talk about Da-Da all the time. We talk to Matt on the phone most days and talk about him alot because we miss him when he is gone. After lunch with Da-Da, we are headed home for a nap, then to one of their favorite people, Brandi, their monthly photographer for the past 10 months. Then we’re going to the park to try out the swings for the first time! It should be a fun day.
After they go to bed, Matt and I get to do more hyperspeed renovating tomorrow night to get this house in shape before the family arrives this weekend! Our guestroom is nearly done and I’ll give you a picture update at some point. I’ll miss having babies. I’ll actually miss calling them “the babies.” I need a new name for them because “the twins” is so conforming and anti-individual and they are far more than just their familial relationship! But I get such a kick out of them and they aren’t showing any signs of slowing down in the “constantly new and improved daily excitement of life” category, so losing babyhood isn’t much of a loss at all, since we are keeping them! It’s exciting. Goodbye, babyhood! Hello, my still beautiful and even more amazing children!
